> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://strengthen-live.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Ditching the Strive - URL: https://strengthen-live.ghost.io/ditching-the-strive/ - Published: 2026-10-27T08:08:47.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-27T08:22:10.000Z - Description: You don’t need another strategy to fix yourself. I invite you to understand yourself yourself more deeply. With self-compassion and positive intention. - Author: Andrea Urquhart - Tags: News, Emotion Discovery ### **Are you striving to improve yourself? Here's why self-clarity and self-compassion are a better place to start.** I was excited to hear that [research published in September 2026](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/27546330261489096?int.sj-full-text.similar-articles.10=&ref=strengthen-live.ghost.io) confirmed what I continually share with my clients: 💡AuDHD wellbeing is particularly challenging BUT self-compassion and self-concept (identity) clarity and understanding camouflaging behaviours (for example, masking) significantly increases AuDHD women's ability to thrive. **With that in mind, here's this week's encouragement:** **You don’t need another strategy to fix yourself. Instead, I invite you to understand yourself more deeply. With self-compassion and positive intention.** If you're a late-recognised AuDHD, ADHD or Autistic adult, chances are you've spent years collecting strategies to help you cope. The planners. The routines. The productivity hacks. The books. The podcasts. The endless promises that *this time* you'll finally get your life together. And yet, somehow, you're still exhausted, overwhelmed, second-guessing yourself or wondering why something that seems so easy for everyone else feels so hard for you. Here's what I invite you to consider: **💡What if the problem isn't that you haven't found the right strategy? What if you've been trying to solve the wrong problem?** When you've spent a lifetime believing you need to try harder, be more organised, manage your emotions better or stop being so sensitive, it's easy to turn self-improvement into another way of telling yourself you're not enough. But you can't build a life that works for you if you don't understand how *you* work. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/a0/4c/a04c0d9a-2b3d-4abe-891b-bc4d1bbbfd05/content/images/2026/10/Uniquely-made.jpg) You are unique. ### Here are 3 places to start: **1\. Get curious instead of critical.** Instead of asking, "Why can't I just do this?" try asking, "What's making this difficult for me?" Is it sensory overload? Too many decisions? Unclear expectations? A task that feels impossible to start? The exhaustion of masking all day? Your struggles aren't automatically evidence that you're failing. They're information. The more curious you become about your experiences, the less energy you spend fighting yourself and the more you can discover what actually helps. **2\. Learn to recognise what YOU need.** When you've spent years adapting to other people, you can become brilliant at anticipating their needs while barely noticing your own. You might not realise you're overwhelmed until you snap. You might say yes before checking whether you have the capacity. You might dismiss your discomfort because you can't justify it. Start noticing the small signals. What drains you? What energises you? When do you feel most like yourself? What helps you feel safe, focused or regulated? You don't have to have all the answers today. You just need to start listening. **3\. Stop measuring yourself against someone else's blueprint.** Your brain doesn't have to work like everyone else's for you to build a meaningful, fulfilling life. Maybe you need more recovery time. Maybe traditional routines don't work for you. Maybe you thrive with flexibility, movement, body doubling or a completely different way of approaching everyday tasks. The goal isn't to force yourself into a system that works for someone else. It's to discover what works for YOU — and give yourself permission to start to put that into action in your life. **Understanding yourself changes the question from "How do I fix what's wrong with me?" to "How do I create a life that works with who I am?"** And that's a very different starting point. You don't have to earn the right to be yourself by becoming better at pretending to be someone else. You deserve to know yourself, understand your needs and ask for what you need without apologising for it. I know this can feel counter-intuitive if you've been raised to always put others first and to continually be serving in your family or community. But this is key to your wellbeing and thriving. 💛 **I'm curious: What's one thing you've spent years trying to fix about yourself that you're beginning to wonder might actually be something you need to understand instead?** Tell me in the comments. I'd love to hear your experience. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/a0/4c/a04c0d9a-2b3d-4abe-891b-bc4d1bbbfd05/content/images/2026/10/Andrea-signature.gif) [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/a0/4c/a04c0d9a-2b3d-4abe-891b-bc4d1bbbfd05/content/images/2026/10/Alexithymia-Freebie-Mock-Up-1.png)](https://training.strengthenemotions.com/alexithymia-intro-freebie?ref=strengthen-live.ghost.io) [DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE ALEXITHYMIA INTRO NOW](https://training.strengthenemotions.com/alexithymia-intro-freebie?ref=strengthen-live.ghost.io) I've just started a new, free Facebook for neurodivergent women. Would you like to join? [Learn more ](https://www.facebook.com/groups/strengthenemotiondiscovery/)